Why do need to find love and a lasting relationship?
When I was 20, I told my friends that I would enjoy my singlehood and the dating scene, and won’t be settling down until I was 30. By the time I was 23, I was married.
Whether we like to admit it or not, sooner or later, there will come a time when we would find ‘the one’ to love and to build a family with. While for others who are busy with their career, at some point, they might start yearning to fill that need. In the end, we’re only human.
Being in a relationship shows us how to love and be loved. Each of our relationships elicit different responses in ourselves that help us to grow, be a better person and learn to be selfless.
Being a couple makes us feel like we’re a team, that we have each other’s back, know that someone loves us, who would always be there during times of stressful situations and when we face life difficulties.
Finding Love – Make Every Chance Work
I don’t believe that the saying: “you’ll find love when you’re not looking” is true. Imagine trying to get a job; you will have to go out and find it first. The same goes to winning a lottery; how could you even get a chance of winning it if you didn’t buy any ticket?
We have to be realistic about finding love: we need to put some effort by putting ourselves out there, to network socially offline or online. We need to get to know more people, make new friends because a number of happy marriages are a result of introductions made by friends. However, while you are making an effort to put yourself out there – remember not to look or be desperate.
People get acquainted in many different places and situations. Wherever you are, be in the present and look around you – just in case someone is looking at you.
These days, many people have their eyes stuck to their phones all the time and sometimes are oblivious of what’s happening around them. Why not try to make three seconds of eye contact with a cute stranger and smile. You’ll never know… you might end up striking a conversation about an interesting subject that both of you appreciate.
Where’s the Romance? You Can’t Hurry Love
Try not to seek or expect romance immediately. When you meet someone you have a good connection with, allow that connection to develop and grow naturally.
What you want is to spend time with someone who is a ‘give-and-take’ kind of person, who appreciates your opinion and cares about what you like and want. When the foundation is good, you can build almost anything!
Happy Attracts Happy and Love
No one wants to be friends with an unhappy soul, one who looks unfriendly, grumpy and hardly smiles. In life there are a few things we can get or give for free – and a smile is one of them. Don’t be too stingy in giving your beautiful smiles away because they can make someone else’s day better.
When we feel happy, we’ll attract people who want to be happy, too. It’s a simple cycle. Life is just too short for us not to be sad.
Is it possible to find the ‘Perfect 10’ soulmate?
You’d be extremely lucky to find someone who fulfils all the qualifications that you’ve set on your wish list. There are many happy, successful marriages because the couples are not the ‘perfect 10s’ but they love and care for each other, support, understand and respect one other.
What you want is someone who would be by your side through thick and thin (and one who doesn’t care about how you look when you wake up in the morning).
To Find Love, Let Go of Your Defences
One of the beautiful poems by Rumi: “Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
When it comes to the pursuit of finding love, many of us feel powerless – like it’s completely outside of our control. Many also tend to build mental defences which stem from past bad experiences (sometimes from childhood days). They build defence walls as a form of self-protection but this can have a negative impact when it comes to building a true, honest relationship.
These defences can lead us to act aloof, insecure, or simply not ourselves when making romantic connections. Therefore, you’ll need to start letting go of those chains, open yourself up and learn to trust others because not everyone you know is bad or wants to hurt you.
Stop listening to Our Inner Critic
Another destructive thing that we must learn to stop is listening to our “critical inner voice” – which might tell us all the negative things that we want to believe such as, “I’m too fat, too old, too ugly… or no one would want to be with me”.
By listening to these inner voices, we’d lose confidence in ourselves and to avoid any let-downs, we then decide to stop meeting new people altogether.
Love is Not a Competition
Sometimes finding love means having to be vulnerable and we have to put ourselves out there. This can feel a little scary as it feels we’re entering a certain degree of competition. This fear can even stop us from trying for fear of losing or looking like a fool.
Never put that pressure on yourself. Going out, making new friends and having fun is never a competition.
Don’t Be Picky in Love but Know What You’re Looking For
Sometimes we tend to be attracted to the ‘wrong’ type of person. We might unconsciously look for partners who reinforce existing negative views that we have about ourselves.
For example, if we think of ourselves as stupid, we may feel attracted to someone who acts superior. Instead, think about the qualities and characteristics that you are looking for in a partner.
Are there certain qualities that you would avoid in the future? Get to know the patterns behind the people you choose, so you can find ways to break out the cycle and find someone new to whom you can really connect with.
5 Useful Tips To Prepare Yourself before Finding the Right One
- Be Authentic
- Be the Best Version of Yourself
- Be Confident
- Be Open
- Most importantly, Be Happy
Be Authentic
Be true to ourselves and accept the fact that we are not perfect. Therefore, we need someone who would love us through our moments of imperfection. Authenticity is an attractive trait. You have to know yourself, love yourself and only then you will project your true self to others.
Be the Best Version of Yourself
Just as ‘opposites attract’, so does ‘like attracts like’. If you appreciate someone who is healthy, maintains good hygiene, well-mannered or generous, then make sure that you are (or strive to be) all of that, too.
Be Confident
Believe in yourself, know your self-worth and be confident about yourself (but remember to be humble, too). If you are confident, people tend to pay attention to or be drawn you. And if you can work build your confidence with a sense of caring and humility, this will surely shine through and elevate your level of ‘attractiveness’.
Be Open
In body language, there is such a thing as an open posture. Whenever you are waiting for anything – the bus, the ride, or coffee at Starbucks, make sure you keep your posture open with your arms NOT folded over your chest. Be open to engaging in short, casual conversation with strangers or offer a greeting “good morning” or “how are you today?” Develop this habit and create a natural, friendly open aura about you. You’ll never know if the person next to you might end up being your soulmate.
Be Happy
Happiness begets happiness and it can be very contagious. People WANT to be around happy people and not those who are cranky, judgemental, moody and complain about everything.
Create a healthy habit of thinking about happy things, be thankful for what you have (because there are many others who are suffering around the world) and focus on doing things that make you happy. This will surely generate a positive energy about you and can also boost your ‘attract-ability’.
In conclusion, we’ll have to accept the fact that finding love is an adventure filled with highs and lows. Especially after heartbreaks, it can be hard not to be cynical or to harden ourselves against the world, but the only way to find love is to stay vulnerable.
Staying vulnerable might be your biggest challenge, but overcoming it is truly worth it. The barriers may not come down easily but once they’re down, they certainly open up a new world of possibilities.
#love #findinglove #behappy #usefultips #lastingrelationship #beconfident
By Kit Sani. Kit is an Image Consultant and Trainer with ImageXchange International. She’s in her 50s and a proud mother of two grown children. She’s been divorced and now happily remarried.